The Neverending Rebound

Mikey Walsh
5 min readNov 27, 2020

Carrie Fisher had just died,

which should have been an entirely different kind of tragic event, if it wasn’t overshadowed by the departure of a Boyfriend I had been totally engulfed by for the past two years.

I’d met him on Grindr. The Gay-dating app that allows us Gays to gaze across profiles of every other of their kind within a three-mile radius… (Like I need to explain Grindr- pffft!)

Funnily enough, I had decided to download it to my phone, because I had been in a state of mourning & despair due to the end of an entirely different relationship before this one.

And I’ll humiliate myself a little further here, to also add that this ugly relationship that led me to ‘Grind’ was born out of a rebound from, yes, another relationship even before that. My marriage had broken down & I was left mentally, physically & financially in the deepest of poo. OH the shame of thinking i was a serial monogamist, when it was more liekly that I couldn’t bare to face life ever having to actually love & take care of myself.

For the majority of my dating life, I’ve found myself to be more commonly known as a complete doormat. I found myself from the age of 15, jumping from Terrible relationship, to terrible relatiuonship; always seeking out & attracting people, more emotionally fucked up than I was, & in the pure hope that we might be able to save eachothers lives.

But there’s a massive difference between a person with genuine emotional issues, who is capable of caring, & an abusive prick, who feels that the world owes them something.

I hold my hands up & admit that this approach toward relationships has never worked for me, & my god, it shouldnt work for anyone this side of Sid And Nancy. It turns out that I spend more time grieving over someone than I am actually ever with them.

The death of Carrie & the loss of my latest lover sent me into a state of grief that I thought I could never escape from. But this time, I had to get to a point where enough was enough… that I had no choice but to go it alone & stop looking for someone who could save me.

It took a while to get into this way of thinking, mind you… After not hearing from my now, Ex boyfriend for a few days, I downloaded Grindr out of mad…



Mikey Walsh

Gay Romany feller, with muppet eyebrows. Author & livver of the GYPSY BOY Book series. @thatbloodymikey